Platypi
by Fischadler
Summary: Kikumaru Eiji was apprehensive when his best friend Fuji Shusuke announced that he was dating Hyotei's Atobe Keigo. And when he started to notice the bruises along his best friend's arms and who knows where else, his suspicions were confirmed and he was furious. [Atobe x Fuji] COMEDY FIC


Title: Platypi  
Date: January 22, 2014  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Prince of Tennis characters.  
Kikumaru Eiji was apprehensive when his best friend Fuji Shusuke announced that he was dating Hyotei's Atobe Keigo. And when he started to notice the bruises along his best friend's arms and who knows where else, his suspicions were confirmed and he was furious. [Atobe x Fuji] COMEDY FIC

WARNING: There will be no platypi in this story.

So I'm in the middle of a pretty bad writer's block. Here's a one-shot!

**Platypi**

Platipi: _The plural form of the word Platypus; an extremely cute semi-aquatic mammal._

Kikumaru Eiji wasn't sure when it first started, but he probably started to notice it about a month ago.

Despite the incredibly sweltering summer day, his best friend was dressed in a long sleeved loose fitting sweater. Granted they were going to be hanging out in the mall all day and the air conditioning there was always on full blast, but it was still summer. And summer meant showing off a little skin. But he didn't think too much of it at the time.

Then a few days after that, he remembered hanging out by the street tennis courts for a tennis doubles double date. He and Oishi won that by a landslide, which shouldn't be surprising considering they were known as the Golden Pair… but their opponents were none other than his best friend Fuji Shusuke and his best friend's latest beau: Atobe Keigo. They should have been able to put up a much better fight and it was more than possible for the pair to defeat them… but his best friend kept running after the ball with an odd limp and more surprisingly lost his grip on his racquet after a considerably light smash.

And if that event wasn't enough to raise an eyebrow, last week he remembered rushing to the hospital after Fuji was admitted with a dislocated shoulder. He recalled waiting in the lobby with the former Hyotei captain, as the doctor worked to pop his best friend's shoulder back in. And while he paced around anxiously, Atobe Keigo was sitting with his arms folded and legs crossed over like he didn't have a care in the world.

And that really _bothered_ him.

When Fuji was discharged (arm back in place and moving normally), he could feel a wave of relief flood over him as well as a wave of questions… Such as: How did this even happen? And his best friend had that smile on his face. That smile that Eiji absolutely hated. Because it was fake and forced and he knew Fuji was hiding something from him…

… Just like now.

"Why are you wearing those sunglasses?" He furrowed his brows.

And there was that same damning smile, "It's sunny outside."

"Yea, but we're inside now." He pointed out.

Fuji Shusuke didn't reply.

It was finally a checkmate and he rarely ever won.

"Take off your glasses." He crossed his arms over his chest.

The brunet sitting across from him hesitated slightly before lowering his shades.

And he gasped.

Across Fuji's creamy snow white skin was an ugly purple bruise that extended from his cheekbone to the side of his right eye. It was an ugly blemish on an otherwise flawless face. And he could feel the anger bubbling up inside of him.

"I knew it!" He slammed his hand against the table almost knocking over his strawberry milkshake, "I knew I should have stopped you the moment you said you were dating that freak! I always had a bad feeling and I should've just trusted my intuition. I never liked him! Never! Not now and not back in middle school either. A jerk is always a jerk. And Atobe's the king of jerks."

"No he isn't." His poor misguided best friend was shaking his head, "He has a really sweet side that a lot of people don't get the opportunity to see."

"Like when he's hitting you?" He wanted to laugh out loud. To think that that asshole could deceive and brainwash his precious best friend to this extent…

"Eiji _please_… Don't make a scene." Fuji muttered softly.

"How can I not?" He scoffed, "You're hurting! He doesn't make you happy."

"_Yes he does_." Fuji's voice was dangerously low.

"I'm going to kick Niou's ass." He crossed his arms over his chest, "I can't believe he thought it was good idea to hook you two up together."

"Keep Haru-kun out of it." The brunet sighed.

"No." He furiously shook his head, "It's his fault! How can he even be friends with such an inconsiderate douche?"

"They used to play doubles together." Fuji shrugged, "But Eiji, I'm telling you… Keigo's not a bad person."

"That's not what you said back at Seigaku." He corrected.

"That was a long time ago." The brunet sighed once more, "He just broke Tezuka's arm and I was upset. Back then I didn't know him the same way I know him now and Keigo's a good person. He always puts me first and I know he really loves me."

"Just because he '_loves_' you, doesn't mean he's right for you." He pointed out, "You need to break up with him."

"I'm not doing that." Fuji was adamant.

"Yes you are." He really couldn't understand why his best friend just couldn't see it. Why couldn't Fuji just see how much he was hurting himself? Why can't Fuji just end things now before it's too late?

"No."

"Yes."

"No." Fuji repeated more firmly, "And that's final."

"No it isn't!" He countered.

"I'm leaving." The brunet slipped his sunglasses back on as he stood up, "I'll give you a call tomorrow."

Tomorrow could be too late.

And he decided that if his best friend couldn't help himself, then he'd have to take matters into his own hands…

* * *

"What's going on?"

"Is this a reunion or something?"

"Who arranged this thing?"

"Well, I got a call from Eiji-senpai."

"Me too."

"… Same here."

The redhead did a quick head count to make sure everyone was here before clearing his throat, "Ahem! Excuse me! Can we do a quick roll call? … Inui."

The bespectacled man raised a hand.

"Good. Tezuka?"

The other bespectacled man nodded.

"Um… Oshitari?"

"Did you organize this by eyesight?" Hyotei's former prodigy arched a brow.

"No… maybe." He dismissed the issue, "Shishidou?"

"Here."

"Taka-san?"

"Yes."

"Momo-kun?"

"Hold on. I'm pretty sure I can see a lot better than Kaidoh." Seigaku's former powerhouse argued.

"Yea?" Kaidoh hissed, "I'd think otherwise with the way you're dressed."

"What's wrong with my outfit?"

"Stop fighting you two!" Eiji sighed, "Ochibi?"

"Eiji-senpai, can you stop calling me that? You realize I grew taller than you."

He ignored his junior, "And Yuuta-kun."

The youngest of the Fuji siblings looked wary.

"And my Syuichiro's here." He clapped his hands together.

"So wait… What's going on? And why am I here?" Niou Masaharu blinked, "Is this some sort of get together? Cause if it is, aren't we missing a few people?"

"I gathered you all here today because you are either a really good friend or relative of my best friend Shu-chan. Or, you're here today as that bastard's friend to provide your testimony about what a jerk he is, because I'm sure you guys know best." He started.

Shishidou shrugged, "If you're implying Atobe, then I have some pretty bad stories…"

"-Or you're here because you're the idiot who thought they were compatible and decided to set them up on a blind date without getting MY permission first." He glared at the silver haired man.

Niou coughed, "I had lunch the other day with Atobe. He's head over heels in love with Fuji, so I don't know what the big deal is…"

"The big deal is: that douchebag is physically abusing my best friend."

There was a long silence.

"That's a pretty heavy accusation." Inui murmured.

"Do you have any proof?" Oishi's green eyes widened in concern, "Did you talk to Fuji about this?"

"Yes and yes." He firmly nodded his head, "I met Shu-chan for drinks and he had a huge ugly black eye."

"If Atobe hit aniki, aniki isn't the type to stay with him." Yuuta looked sceptical.

"He had a huge black eye the other day and when I asked if Atobe did it, he avoided my question! Something wrong is happening and we need to do an intervention!" He announced.

"Isn't that a little to cliché?" Inui murmured, "And I recall doing an intervention last time."

"And it didn't work." Echizen crossed his arms, "I still sleep with my tennis racquets."

"This is more serious than sleeping with tennis racquets!" He pointed out, "That asshole already sent Shu-chan to the hospital once after dislocating his arm. We need to make sure that it's the last time!"

"Well, if it's that serious then…" Kawamura looked thoughtful.

"That's what I'm telling you guys!" He urged, "So earlier, I managed to get Saeki to keep Shu-chan busy. It'll give us enough time to set up Shu's apartment, so when he walks in we'll surround him and make him realize how much we all love him and care about his well being. And that dating that jerk and getting hurt also affects all of us."

"I don't think I've ever told Fuji the story of when Atobe walked into that door because he thought it was automatic." Shishidou recalled.

"Everyone has done that at least once." Momoshiro excused.

"Maybe _you_ have." Kaidoh hissed.

"He walked into it twice after trying again." Shishidou elaborated.

"Speaking of doors and Atobe, remember that time he got stuck in one of those rotating doors?" Oshitari laughed at the memory.

"Best day of my life."

* * *

"Are you sure Fuji will be okay with us breaking into his house and all?" Oishi's head darted around nervously like one of those African meerkats.

"Yea," Echizen nonchalantly agreed, "When you guys broke into my house and did my intervention, Inui arranged my bookshelf in alphabetical order according to topic."

Seigaku's former data specialist coughed.

"And the floors were sparkling." The youngest member of their group added.

"Kaidoh dropped one of your Ponta cans and Oishi-senpai mopped the area and decided to clean your entire apartment while he was at it." Momoshiro laughed.

"Well, don't worry about Shu-chan. Besides we still have around two hours left." He shrugged, "Besides, Shu gave me the key to his place so it isn't technically breaking in."

"J-Just hurry." The former vice-captain scanned the hallway once more.

"If Fuji does happen to walk by, he can't miss twelve people standing here grouped around his door." Oshitari pointed out.

"I have a bad feeling about this." Yuuta murmured.

"Hurry!" Oishi urged.

"It's open! Jeez!" He unlocked the door, as the group hastily shuffled inside.

"Taka-san, if you and maybe Inui can set up the banner." He suggested.

"Inui looks busy." The sushi chef murmured sheepishly.

He rolled his eyes, "Then Tezuka! Come help with this!"

"I think I just heard Fuji's voice." Inui announced.

"What?" He pulled out his cellphone, "Saeki should still be- Shit! I left my phone on silent…"

He read his newest text message.

"… I think I heard Atobe's voice." Inui whispered, pressing his ear against his best friend's bedroom door.

He could feel the colour leave his face.

"Saeki said Fuji cancelled with him this morning cause he wasn't feeling well…"

"Oh shit."

"… Should we leave?"

There was a loud crash from the other side of the closed bedroom door.

They all collectively jumped at the sound.

"YOU FUCKING SLUT!" It was that bastard's voice, "I'll make sure that was the last time you fucking disrespect me. I'll damage your ass so bad that you'll be shitting out of a catheter."

And Kikumaru Eiji could feel the anger swell inside of him, finally reaching its breaking point. This was the last straw! Screw the intervention, crisis support and tricks! He was going to make sure that scum bastard goes nowhere near his precious friend even if he had to physically keep them apart. There was no way he was going to-

"PLATYPI!"

His hand froze on Fuji's bedroom doorknob.

_Platypi?_

"… What's wrong?" Fuji's soft voice was muffled through the door.

"I don't feel comfortable doing this." Atobe's voice was oddly meek compared what it sounded like mere seconds ago.

"Is it me? Am I not convincing enough?"

"… No. You're perfect. It's just…" The former Hyotei captain's tone was hesitant, "I don't want to send you to the hospital again."

"It's fine."

"I'm really not comfortable doing this to you. Besides… I think your redheaded friend is starting to figure something out."

Damn right that redhead friend was!

He wrenched the door wide open.

… And he immediately regretted that decision.

"Shusuke." Slate grey eyes landed towards their direction.

He could feel his jaw slowly drop open.

"Hm?" His best friend hummed from underneath what appeared to be a potato sack over his head.

"… Were you expecting any guests?" Atobe's grey eyes never left the group.

"Guests?" Fuji's voice was muffled, "… No. Why?"

"Hm…" The former Hyotei captain arched a brow, "… Are you absolutely certain?"

"… Pretty sure." Fuji chirped, "… Why?"

"Uh… no reason." Atobe awkwardly coughed.

"You keep changing the subject. Are you quitting on me _Yakuza-sama_?" There was an odd sultriness to his best friend's voice that Kikumaru Eiji could never un-hear.

"Did we remember to lock the front door?" Atobe gaze never left them.

"Listen, you don't need to keep changing the subject. You called _Platypi_. So if you really want to stop, we can stop." Fuji explained from inside the potato bag, "But can I point out that you're still eight inches deep. I mean, I guess I can settle for regular sex, although just for today… So I suppose you can untie me."

"… Hold on." Atobe cleared his throat, "Did you give a spare key to anyone other than me?"

"Of course. Yuuta and Eiji." Fuji replied.

"Okay... That makes sense... kind of." Atobe nodded slowly.

"Ooh! I get what you're saying!" His best friend's voice was getting oddly cheerful, "Eiji did say he was going to be busy today… If you want we can go over to his place again and have sex on his kitchen floor like we did last time."

"Shusuke…"

"I don't know what time he'll get back home, but isn't the idea of getting caught _thrilling_?" Fuji squealed delightfully, completely oblivious underneath the potato sack.

"Shusuke."

"Better yet… I still kept Ryoma-kun's tennis racquet from that time we did that weird intervention for him. We can totally-"

"Shusuke." Atobe interrupted for the third time, "… _Aardvark_."

"AH! Yakuza-sama! Please forgive me!" Fuji cried from behind the potato sack covering his head, "Would making my finger fly atone for my blunder?"

The dark haired man's gaze finally left them, "I don't want your little finger you whore. How about I cut off something more precious to you?"

"Oh no! Please have mercy on me Yakuza-sama!"

Kikumaru Eiji quietly shut the door behind them.

And despite the disturbingly loud and heavy sounds of thumping, banging and bedsprings squeaking from the other side of the now thankfully closed door, this side of the apartment was dead silent.

"I grew up in the same house… oh god… my room used to be next to his…"

"… Momo-senpai. Remind me to always keep my tennis racquets in their bag… where they belong."

And Eiji realized something.

He needed to disinfect the kitchen.

... And probably buy a new door lock.

**The End.**

Note: … So yea… It's my first time doing this kind of genre, so I was pretty much second guessing if I should even post this fic up… (I have zero confidence at the moment) I'm actually wincing right now. Urgh… Hopefully I didn't do too bad with this story? Please tell me what you think! Thanks!


End file.
